Year by year God continues to confirm my calling to write and teach by providing opportunities that grow and stretch me in crazy scary ways. This year I was asked to help co-write an online Summer Bible study with three other women. The study is offered through our Women’s Ministry at church.
I said yes. Yes, to writing two of the eight weeks of our study, four days for each of the weeks. That’s eight days plus, two live teachings!
Listen, I have written one-day devotions before as part of our online bible study. And, I have taught bible studies written by legit authors for the last three years This. This was completely out of my comfort zone.
Every time I sat down to write I felt the weight of what I was asked to do. I wasn’t just giving my two cents about a bible verse, I was teaching God’s word. All I could think about was James 3:1 “Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.”
So, I grabbed every single bible study work book I every taught and flipped through each of them. I was trying to get inspiration, figure out a guideline, seep wisdom, something, anything. Then the Holy Spirit whispered, “I chose you, not them, for this assignment.” I put away the books but the screen stayed blank. I began to cry out to God.
I gave him my best Moses impression. “Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue…Oh, my Lord, please send someone else.” (Exodus 10,13) I full on sobbed. I lamented repeatedly, “I can’t do this. I’m not qualified. I don’t know what I’m doing. What if I get it wrong?”
I very clearly heard the Holy Spirit whisper, “Exactly!” You see I was writing on what it meant to be poor in spirit. News flash it basically means to be completely and utterly dependent on God. I laughed because without fail God continues to assign me topics to teach that I need to learn the most.
Right then and there I simply prayed, “God use me to teach your Word. Help me get out of my own way. May my words be your words. For your glory, Lord. Amen.”
It is surreal to see my words in an actual book. The words I labored over. The words written through tears. The words weaved together by God for His glory.
I still feel unqualified but it’s not about me. It’s about trusting the Holy Spirit to show up. So I continue to say yes, even when I’m scared.